Texans in My Path: Confessions of a Playboy Party-Going Texan
By: Penelope Butler, Contributor*
For those of us who have never made our own pilgrimage to the Playboy Mansion, or as I refer to it, the land of the Nasty Bunny, we now have a fellow Texan who can fill us in. JoAnna Wortham, currently a resident of Beaumont, Texas, has been to several parties at the Playboy Mansion in the last few years. From the eyes of a Southeast Texan, the mansion is quite a site to see. The guests park in a parking garage and wait in line for shuttles to transport them to the mansion. It is a 15 minute journey. Once there, you are dropped off in the front of the house. The house of course has tight security and the common folk are not allowed into the main quarters. The guests are allowed to go into the gameroom, the grotto, and the haunted house. There are heated tents set up around the grotto. Actors attend, and some are paid to be part of the haunted house. The style and age of the house lead to it looking spooky when heavily decorated, as it is for the Halloween Party.
Next, pan dancers in only body paint with unmentionable parts protruding from beneath the colored hues. Other dancers in cages with unnaturally tinted contact lenses in their eyes add to the scenery. Actors are hired to jump out of the bushes and frighten the scantily-clad guests almost out of the remainder of their tiny little costumes! Whew!
The large majority of the guest list is female. Some women can be found groping and fondling each other. There have also been people cited copulating all over the property. Most, when given an initial warning to stop by security, will usually move to a different location to conclude their activities. People can be found in the massive Game Room enjoying each other’s company on the pool table. There is also a room adjoining the Game Room with a bouncy floor. There are many enjoying each other’s company on that floor as well. I would imagine there is a hefty cleaning bill due once the party is over!
The Haunted House located behind the main house is incredible, just like the makeup and costumes on the actors. The guests have proven to be just as incredible as the property itself. LMFAO performed on one of the occasions that Ms. Wortham was there. She was invited to join them on stage while they performed, and she recalls being attached to the camera man who was filming for Fox 4 News with a leather strap/belt, so that he could keep up with her on stage (see adjacent pictures). Also spotted one year were Nicki and Paris Hilton with an entourage of friends going into a back room and not emerging for a while. Ms. Wortham states what went on in the back room is left to the imagination. She has never witnessed any illegal drugs on the property, but she reports some guests are very “wirey” and there seems to be a lot of individuals who are inexplicably “sniffing”.
As for Ms. Wortham, on the date of this interview she was flying to Los Angeles to meet up with her boyfriend, Sully Erna of Godsmack. At our last meeting she informed me Playboy had contacted her about meeting with a casting director interested in taking photos of her for the publication. Ms. Wortham reports she is not interested in doing that at this time, but is flattered to be invited. And that concludes my night at the Mansion, lived vicariously through JoAnna Wortham, at my local Starbucks. I hope the details of this interview did not cause any of the eavesdropping patrons in Starbucks to suffer any hot coffee spills or burns!
*Polly Stratiotis Butler is a licensed professional counselor in private practice. She lives in Beaumont, Texas with her husband Carlton, and two sons Jonathan and Alex Butler. Born in Athens, Greece, Polly has been a transplanted Texan since 1979.